I have officially hit the proverbial wall. It's been about egh 9 months since I started my job and the honeymoon is over, well it never really started to be honest.
In October I left my last place of employment, which had its own share of amazingly fun issues (and I literally left crying hysterically), to pursue what I thought would be a career changing position that would propel me forward....Guess again. Instead I'm micro-managed by a boss that has an affinity for Jimmy Choo shoes and anything designer. Total type-A personality, which should be right up my alley, but it has come to serve as a source of frustration more than anything else. I feel like those dogs with the electric fence. Encouraged to progress forward but if they step too far end up getting tasered in the neck.
I've also been way more self-conscience since starting this job. I feel like I'm living under a microscope and they're watching over my every move. It's obvious I don't quite fit into the work culture. I fit quite nicely into the consumer culture but for some reason it hasn't quite reached my dept who tend to be more label conscious, catty, spotlight whores (if there is a bus they will throw you under it). I just keep second guessing myself and its even been carrying over to my personal life. I don't just feel like I'm not fitting in at work, but I'm not fitting in at life. Which when you think about it makes no sense as my current job is supposedly way "more baller" than my previous job.
What it really comes down to is control. I don't have control of my situation here. Any day they can fire me and there isn't a whole lot I can do about it. I miss the freedom of owning my own projects and making strategy based decisions and delivering on those decisions. I can't get away with sending out a simple email these days without five people bitching at me for not being able to review it first.
After I'm done peeling myself off the wall I'm going to have to re-evaluate where I belong. While I love the idea of working for a big company and touting it to those high school degenerates that used to make fun of me in high school...it's not really worth all the additional things your forced to give up. Peace of mine, freedom of choice, time, a life....
For those tempted by the big name companies out in the world, just remember to think before leaping.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Tag, Your It!
So I've officially been tagged...by Anna that is. Anna shared 25 random things about herself so now its my turn to share. I'm not gonna post it on Facebook as I don't really feel like sharing with the co-workers.
So here's the how this thing works:
Once you've been tagged you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you it's because I want to know more about you.
And here I go....
1. I love old movies, specifically ones from the 30s-40s. It just feels like such a simpler time. It makes me wish I had been born 70 years ago.
2. I'm extremely self-conscious and second guess EVERYTHING.
3. I'm afraid of failing
4. I have an unhealthy infatuation with the Starbucks Christmas cups. I don't know what it is, but drinking from it makes me feel like I'm sitting beside a fireplace watching it snow.
5. As retarded it as it, I'm really proud of our annual PB&P nights. It's nice to have a tradition.
6. I heart bad reality TV. I mean real bad...like Flavor of Love, ANTM, Rock of Love. Really into Tool Academy at the moment...its genius!
7. I wish I would've stuck with the piano. I think I could've been good at it.
8. I spend several years participating in competitive athletics. I never really enjoyed them but I always pretended like I did. It was a relief to quit crew after sophomore year.
9. I love dysfunctional things but live a rather functional/mundane lifestyle. I dig it though. But bring on the fucked up authors and bat shine insane directors.
10. I despise the Tyler Perry franchise. I don't think we can handle any more movies with that ass hat dressed in drag. No movie warrants thirteen sequels.
11. I'm secretly in love with Michael C. Hall. I don't know what I would do if I ever ran into him in person.
12. I wish I didn't go to Saint Mary's. I felt like there wasn't much of a takeaway. I would've loved to have had a more specified major...and better career training.
13. I'm not really that smartbut I work really hard at it.
14. In a perfect world my ideal job would be a owning a local bookstore with lots of cats in the windows and loads of charm.
15. I cried hysterically during the series finale of Six Feet Under
16. I work in the gaming industry but have no real interest in gaming
17. I don't want to have children and I don't want to get my Masters. I think my parents will only be disappointed with one of the two.
18. Mike and I sometimes yell things at each other in our sleep.
19. My brother was a meth addict for over a decade. He's been sober four years but I still think about that past all the time.
20. I can't say no to pie. I loooove pie!
21. I love my family but often find it hard to be around them.
22. I wish I had more female traits- like mad makeup skills and a good fashion sense. And the willingness to spend money on those two things.
23. I often question the value I bring other people.
24. I didn't think I'd still be connected to my college friends, for some reason I thought we would all drift apart. But I'm really happy that we didn't.
25. I really wish I hadn't painted my bedroom orange....it's really really ugly. Fuuuck.
So here's the how this thing works:
Once you've been tagged you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you it's because I want to know more about you.
And here I go....
1. I love old movies, specifically ones from the 30s-40s. It just feels like such a simpler time. It makes me wish I had been born 70 years ago.
2. I'm extremely self-conscious and second guess EVERYTHING.
3. I'm afraid of failing
4. I have an unhealthy infatuation with the Starbucks Christmas cups. I don't know what it is, but drinking from it makes me feel like I'm sitting beside a fireplace watching it snow.
5. As retarded it as it, I'm really proud of our annual PB&P nights. It's nice to have a tradition.
6. I heart bad reality TV. I mean real bad...like Flavor of Love, ANTM, Rock of Love. Really into Tool Academy at the moment...its genius!
7. I wish I would've stuck with the piano. I think I could've been good at it.
8. I spend several years participating in competitive athletics. I never really enjoyed them but I always pretended like I did. It was a relief to quit crew after sophomore year.
9. I love dysfunctional things but live a rather functional/mundane lifestyle. I dig it though. But bring on the fucked up authors and bat shine insane directors.
10. I despise the Tyler Perry franchise. I don't think we can handle any more movies with that ass hat dressed in drag. No movie warrants thirteen sequels.
11. I'm secretly in love with Michael C. Hall. I don't know what I would do if I ever ran into him in person.
12. I wish I didn't go to Saint Mary's. I felt like there wasn't much of a takeaway. I would've loved to have had a more specified major...and better career training.
13. I'm not really that smartbut I work really hard at it.
14. In a perfect world my ideal job would be a owning a local bookstore with lots of cats in the windows and loads of charm.
15. I cried hysterically during the series finale of Six Feet Under
16. I work in the gaming industry but have no real interest in gaming
17. I don't want to have children and I don't want to get my Masters. I think my parents will only be disappointed with one of the two.
18. Mike and I sometimes yell things at each other in our sleep.
19. My brother was a meth addict for over a decade. He's been sober four years but I still think about that past all the time.
20. I can't say no to pie. I loooove pie!
21. I love my family but often find it hard to be around them.
22. I wish I had more female traits- like mad makeup skills and a good fashion sense. And the willingness to spend money on those two things.
23. I often question the value I bring other people.
24. I didn't think I'd still be connected to my college friends, for some reason I thought we would all drift apart. But I'm really happy that we didn't.
25. I really wish I hadn't painted my bedroom orange....it's really really ugly. Fuuuck.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Ugly Baby Project
Anna, it could be worse. Your baby could look like this.
And he'll have a big ass to boot!!
http://www.vw.com/vwhype/babymaker/en/us/
And he'll have a big ass to boot!!
http://www.vw.com/vwhype/babymaker/en/us/
Saturday, November 15, 2008
To Infinity and Beyond!
So it's been like an eternity since I last posted...ok, well maybe not an eternity but it certainly feels like it.
To update all of the two people who read my blog (and already know this)...I got the job at Sony. I've been there a little over a month now and I'm still relatively mixed but it slowly gets a little less painful everyday. By the time I go to quit, I might even like it.
It was a rough decision to make at the time because I have and always will be a loyal Dovetail supporter. However, the decision has been made decidedly easier for me upon learning that Dovetail could be no-more in a matter of months.
Even though I no longer work at Dovetail and haven't for a little period of time now, I still find myself pissed at the founder of the company. When I first started I had nothing but pure respect and admiration for Dovetail's founder who I thought to be resourceful, strategic and down right ballsy. I looked up to him (as much as you could a guy with a bird named 'Noisyfucker') and hoped to mirror his success with an agency of my own. However, the last few months I find resentment towards him building. It just bothers me that a guy who took at 7 person agency and made it through the dot.com bust would let everything slip through his fingers now, and not because the economy is bad but because of sheer stupidity and a lack of good judgement.
I guess its none of my concern now since I opted to leave, but it's still a bummer to see. Kind of like watching a car crash- you see it coming 5 miles ahead but there's nothing you can really do to stop it from happening. Such is life, I guess.
It's strange to me how quickly thinks can change in such a short span of time but still remain relatively the same. Mike and I have been talking a lot about whether our course in life is pre-destined or something we choose for ourselves. Mike thinks that everything that happens in our life is a result of sheer chaos and random selection. I'm inclined to disagree. I think everyone has a path they're pre-destined to take. Right now I'm trying to figure out what exactly that is.
Apparently it wasn't Dovetail....we'll see where this takes me. Until then I'll be at the gym....another change from 3 months ago! HA!
To update all of the two people who read my blog (and already know this)...I got the job at Sony. I've been there a little over a month now and I'm still relatively mixed but it slowly gets a little less painful everyday. By the time I go to quit, I might even like it.
It was a rough decision to make at the time because I have and always will be a loyal Dovetail supporter. However, the decision has been made decidedly easier for me upon learning that Dovetail could be no-more in a matter of months.
Even though I no longer work at Dovetail and haven't for a little period of time now, I still find myself pissed at the founder of the company. When I first started I had nothing but pure respect and admiration for Dovetail's founder who I thought to be resourceful, strategic and down right ballsy. I looked up to him (as much as you could a guy with a bird named 'Noisyfucker') and hoped to mirror his success with an agency of my own. However, the last few months I find resentment towards him building. It just bothers me that a guy who took at 7 person agency and made it through the dot.com bust would let everything slip through his fingers now, and not because the economy is bad but because of sheer stupidity and a lack of good judgement.
I guess its none of my concern now since I opted to leave, but it's still a bummer to see. Kind of like watching a car crash- you see it coming 5 miles ahead but there's nothing you can really do to stop it from happening. Such is life, I guess.
It's strange to me how quickly thinks can change in such a short span of time but still remain relatively the same. Mike and I have been talking a lot about whether our course in life is pre-destined or something we choose for ourselves. Mike thinks that everything that happens in our life is a result of sheer chaos and random selection. I'm inclined to disagree. I think everyone has a path they're pre-destined to take. Right now I'm trying to figure out what exactly that is.
Apparently it wasn't Dovetail....we'll see where this takes me. Until then I'll be at the gym....another change from 3 months ago! HA!
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Work, Weddings, Sony, Kitchen...Burnout 3
So Lupe got married this weekend and I have mixed feelings about it. Not because I'm not happy for her, but because I've come to the realization that I will slowly start losing my friends to the grown-up portion of life. It's scary and I'm reluctant to deal with it. Meh.
Following the wedding on Saturday, I've found myself in this weird lethargic funk. I slept ALL day Sunday and a good portion of Monday to help rustle myself out of it, but no such luck.
Work has been meh at best. A whole lot of drama went down this last week and as usual the preceding week everyone goes back to pretending like nothing happened the week before. I usually like to throw in my 2 cents at this point in the program but honestly, I don't have the energy for it. I'm wondering if I hit a brick wall and its time for a change... why not, everything else around me is changing rapidly.
Speaking of the new and different, I have my final interview with Sony tomorrow. I'm hoping for the best, but we'll see. I figure at this point if I'm meant to get it I will and if not then I will continue being a Dovetail crusader. Although at this point in time I'm considering Sony to be the start of a new job search. We'll see how things pan out in the next week or so.
Kitchen....still remodeling. I hate restaurants and would kill for someone to cook me a meal from scratch. I've probably gained a bijillion pounds right now and I'm sure my limited kitchen and ridiculous food consumption are partially to blame for my new found lethargy. I'm in definite need of a new routine...right quick. And perhaps a mumu.
I've officially hit burnout and its a sad site...I look like I got hit in the face by a tractor and I've now taken up sleeping in the fertile position on the couch watching re-runs of Frasier.
Well that's the update for now. I'm going to go curl up on the couch and wait for normalcy to return or my sanity, whichever comes first.
Following the wedding on Saturday, I've found myself in this weird lethargic funk. I slept ALL day Sunday and a good portion of Monday to help rustle myself out of it, but no such luck.
Work has been meh at best. A whole lot of drama went down this last week and as usual the preceding week everyone goes back to pretending like nothing happened the week before. I usually like to throw in my 2 cents at this point in the program but honestly, I don't have the energy for it. I'm wondering if I hit a brick wall and its time for a change... why not, everything else around me is changing rapidly.
Speaking of the new and different, I have my final interview with Sony tomorrow. I'm hoping for the best, but we'll see. I figure at this point if I'm meant to get it I will and if not then I will continue being a Dovetail crusader. Although at this point in time I'm considering Sony to be the start of a new job search. We'll see how things pan out in the next week or so.
Kitchen....still remodeling. I hate restaurants and would kill for someone to cook me a meal from scratch. I've probably gained a bijillion pounds right now and I'm sure my limited kitchen and ridiculous food consumption are partially to blame for my new found lethargy. I'm in definite need of a new routine...right quick. And perhaps a mumu.
I've officially hit burnout and its a sad site...I look like I got hit in the face by a tractor and I've now taken up sleeping in the fertile position on the couch watching re-runs of Frasier.
Well that's the update for now. I'm going to go curl up on the couch and wait for normalcy to return or my sanity, whichever comes first.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Long Time, No Write
Alright, so it's been awhile...not like anyone reads this blog anyway.... So its been awhile and I have a crap load of updates.
I'm just going to list them out:
1.) I bought a house...yes, a house. It's been mostly good with a few fun twists. The fun twists include a meth neighbor who broke into our home, multiple police raids, a stabbing and a drive-by.
2.) I got a promotion and a raise- which is shortly followed by me applying to new positions elsewhere...namely Sony. I had my second interview with Sony on Friday and I found them to be pretentious ass hats in general....but it's Sony. So I'll keep my mouth shut and take whatever they give me...which I'm hoping is a job.
3.) Probably the bestest news...I got engaged. Woot! Not only did I get engaged, Elvia apparently got engaged too...errr, in the process. However that has not stopped her from planning her wedding. Which will apparently mirror mine...copycatting is the best form of flatter, I hear.
4.) We're remodeling...we're in the process of updating our kitchen and spiffying up the house. Part of the remodel included a new roommate and hopefully with any luck (*fingers crossed) he won't brew beer in the bathroom, play Madden 24X7 or take a dump in the bathroom with the door open naked.
2008 has indeed been an interesting year, to say the least.
More to come later...I'm going to try and keep the trend going.
I'm just going to list them out:
1.) I bought a house...yes, a house. It's been mostly good with a few fun twists. The fun twists include a meth neighbor who broke into our home, multiple police raids, a stabbing and a drive-by.
2.) I got a promotion and a raise- which is shortly followed by me applying to new positions elsewhere...namely Sony. I had my second interview with Sony on Friday and I found them to be pretentious ass hats in general....but it's Sony. So I'll keep my mouth shut and take whatever they give me...which I'm hoping is a job.
3.) Probably the bestest news...I got engaged. Woot! Not only did I get engaged, Elvia apparently got engaged too...errr, in the process. However that has not stopped her from planning her wedding. Which will apparently mirror mine...copycatting is the best form of flatter, I hear.
4.) We're remodeling...we're in the process of updating our kitchen and spiffying up the house. Part of the remodel included a new roommate and hopefully with any luck (*fingers crossed) he won't brew beer in the bathroom, play Madden 24X7 or take a dump in the bathroom with the door open naked.
2008 has indeed been an interesting year, to say the least.
More to come later...I'm going to try and keep the trend going.
Monday, May 19, 2008
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