I have officially hit the proverbial wall. It's been about egh 9 months since I started my job and the honeymoon is over, well it never really started to be honest.
In October I left my last place of employment, which had its own share of amazingly fun issues (and I literally left crying hysterically), to pursue what I thought would be a career changing position that would propel me forward....Guess again. Instead I'm micro-managed by a boss that has an affinity for Jimmy Choo shoes and anything designer. Total type-A personality, which should be right up my alley, but it has come to serve as a source of frustration more than anything else. I feel like those dogs with the electric fence. Encouraged to progress forward but if they step too far end up getting tasered in the neck.
I've also been way more self-conscience since starting this job. I feel like I'm living under a microscope and they're watching over my every move. It's obvious I don't quite fit into the work culture. I fit quite nicely into the consumer culture but for some reason it hasn't quite reached my dept who tend to be more label conscious, catty, spotlight whores (if there is a bus they will throw you under it). I just keep second guessing myself and its even been carrying over to my personal life. I don't just feel like I'm not fitting in at work, but I'm not fitting in at life. Which when you think about it makes no sense as my current job is supposedly way "more baller" than my previous job.
What it really comes down to is control. I don't have control of my situation here. Any day they can fire me and there isn't a whole lot I can do about it. I miss the freedom of owning my own projects and making strategy based decisions and delivering on those decisions. I can't get away with sending out a simple email these days without five people bitching at me for not being able to review it first.
After I'm done peeling myself off the wall I'm going to have to re-evaluate where I belong. While I love the idea of working for a big company and touting it to those high school degenerates that used to make fun of me in high school...it's not really worth all the additional things your forced to give up. Peace of mine, freedom of choice, time, a life....
For those tempted by the big name companies out in the world, just remember to think before leaping.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Tag, Your It!
So I've officially been tagged...by Anna that is. Anna shared 25 random things about herself so now its my turn to share. I'm not gonna post it on Facebook as I don't really feel like sharing with the co-workers.
So here's the how this thing works:
Once you've been tagged you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you it's because I want to know more about you.
And here I go....
1. I love old movies, specifically ones from the 30s-40s. It just feels like such a simpler time. It makes me wish I had been born 70 years ago.
2. I'm extremely self-conscious and second guess EVERYTHING.
3. I'm afraid of failing
4. I have an unhealthy infatuation with the Starbucks Christmas cups. I don't know what it is, but drinking from it makes me feel like I'm sitting beside a fireplace watching it snow.
5. As retarded it as it, I'm really proud of our annual PB&P nights. It's nice to have a tradition.
6. I heart bad reality TV. I mean real bad...like Flavor of Love, ANTM, Rock of Love. Really into Tool Academy at the moment...its genius!
7. I wish I would've stuck with the piano. I think I could've been good at it.
8. I spend several years participating in competitive athletics. I never really enjoyed them but I always pretended like I did. It was a relief to quit crew after sophomore year.
9. I love dysfunctional things but live a rather functional/mundane lifestyle. I dig it though. But bring on the fucked up authors and bat shine insane directors.
10. I despise the Tyler Perry franchise. I don't think we can handle any more movies with that ass hat dressed in drag. No movie warrants thirteen sequels.
11. I'm secretly in love with Michael C. Hall. I don't know what I would do if I ever ran into him in person.
12. I wish I didn't go to Saint Mary's. I felt like there wasn't much of a takeaway. I would've loved to have had a more specified major...and better career training.
13. I'm not really that smartbut I work really hard at it.
14. In a perfect world my ideal job would be a owning a local bookstore with lots of cats in the windows and loads of charm.
15. I cried hysterically during the series finale of Six Feet Under
16. I work in the gaming industry but have no real interest in gaming
17. I don't want to have children and I don't want to get my Masters. I think my parents will only be disappointed with one of the two.
18. Mike and I sometimes yell things at each other in our sleep.
19. My brother was a meth addict for over a decade. He's been sober four years but I still think about that past all the time.
20. I can't say no to pie. I loooove pie!
21. I love my family but often find it hard to be around them.
22. I wish I had more female traits- like mad makeup skills and a good fashion sense. And the willingness to spend money on those two things.
23. I often question the value I bring other people.
24. I didn't think I'd still be connected to my college friends, for some reason I thought we would all drift apart. But I'm really happy that we didn't.
25. I really wish I hadn't painted my bedroom orange....it's really really ugly. Fuuuck.
So here's the how this thing works:
Once you've been tagged you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you it's because I want to know more about you.
And here I go....
1. I love old movies, specifically ones from the 30s-40s. It just feels like such a simpler time. It makes me wish I had been born 70 years ago.
2. I'm extremely self-conscious and second guess EVERYTHING.
3. I'm afraid of failing
4. I have an unhealthy infatuation with the Starbucks Christmas cups. I don't know what it is, but drinking from it makes me feel like I'm sitting beside a fireplace watching it snow.
5. As retarded it as it, I'm really proud of our annual PB&P nights. It's nice to have a tradition.
6. I heart bad reality TV. I mean real bad...like Flavor of Love, ANTM, Rock of Love. Really into Tool Academy at the moment...its genius!
7. I wish I would've stuck with the piano. I think I could've been good at it.
8. I spend several years participating in competitive athletics. I never really enjoyed them but I always pretended like I did. It was a relief to quit crew after sophomore year.
9. I love dysfunctional things but live a rather functional/mundane lifestyle. I dig it though. But bring on the fucked up authors and bat shine insane directors.
10. I despise the Tyler Perry franchise. I don't think we can handle any more movies with that ass hat dressed in drag. No movie warrants thirteen sequels.
11. I'm secretly in love with Michael C. Hall. I don't know what I would do if I ever ran into him in person.
12. I wish I didn't go to Saint Mary's. I felt like there wasn't much of a takeaway. I would've loved to have had a more specified major...and better career training.
13. I'm not really that smartbut I work really hard at it.
14. In a perfect world my ideal job would be a owning a local bookstore with lots of cats in the windows and loads of charm.
15. I cried hysterically during the series finale of Six Feet Under
16. I work in the gaming industry but have no real interest in gaming
17. I don't want to have children and I don't want to get my Masters. I think my parents will only be disappointed with one of the two.
18. Mike and I sometimes yell things at each other in our sleep.
19. My brother was a meth addict for over a decade. He's been sober four years but I still think about that past all the time.
20. I can't say no to pie. I loooove pie!
21. I love my family but often find it hard to be around them.
22. I wish I had more female traits- like mad makeup skills and a good fashion sense. And the willingness to spend money on those two things.
23. I often question the value I bring other people.
24. I didn't think I'd still be connected to my college friends, for some reason I thought we would all drift apart. But I'm really happy that we didn't.
25. I really wish I hadn't painted my bedroom orange....it's really really ugly. Fuuuck.
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