It's Official...The Wall Has Been Hit

I have officially hit the proverbial wall. It's been about egh 9 months since I started my job and the honeymoon is over, well it never really started to be honest.

In October I left my last place of employment, which had its own share of amazingly fun issues (and I literally left crying hysterically), to pursue what I thought would be a career changing position that would propel me forward....Guess again. Instead I'm micro-managed by a boss that has an affinity for Jimmy Choo shoes and anything designer. Total type-A personality, which should be right up my alley, but it has come to serve as a source of frustration more than anything else. I feel like those dogs with the electric fence. Encouraged to progress forward but if they step too far end up getting tasered in the neck.

I've also been way more self-conscience since starting this job. I feel like I'm living under a microscope and they're watching over my every move. It's obvious I don't quite fit into the work culture. I fit quite nicely into the consumer culture but for some reason it hasn't quite reached my dept who tend to be more label conscious, catty, spotlight whores (if there is a bus they will throw you under it). I just keep second guessing myself and its even been carrying over to my personal life. I don't just feel like I'm not fitting in at work, but I'm not fitting in at life. Which when you think about it makes no sense as my current job is supposedly way "more baller" than my previous job.

What it really comes down to is control. I don't have control of my situation here. Any day they can fire me and there isn't a whole lot I can do about it. I miss the freedom of owning my own projects and making strategy based decisions and delivering on those decisions. I can't get away with sending out a simple email these days without five people bitching at me for not being able to review it first.

After I'm done peeling myself off the wall I'm going to have to re-evaluate where I belong. While I love the idea of working for a big company and touting it to those high school degenerates that used to make fun of me in high school...it's not really worth all the additional things your forced to give up. Peace of mine, freedom of choice, time, a life....

For those tempted by the big name companies out in the world, just remember to think before leaping.