The Gym Cult

"At an hour when he would usually prefer to be asleep, your correspondent drags himself into an LA Fitness gym in north London. In the changing room, he finds a reassuringly fat man forlornly weighing himself; but the other early birds wrestling with the weights machines look dauntingly fit and expert. Nursing a mild hangover and grave doubts about his vocation, he prepares to meet his nemesis."

While I was tooling around the internet after my long workout at the gym, I came across this awesome snipet from a 2002 article in the Economist. Because they are sheisty bastards, I was unable to read the article in all its splendor. But the above paragraph was enough to let me know that I probably would've liked it.

That being said...I have began to develop a theory about the gym. Because curiousity killed a cat (as they say) I decided to do a little research on gym culture. Of the theses I examined, the general consensus was that the gym culture was one collective cult where like minds gathered to bulk up. The only differentiator being what time they decided to begin their workout routine (Early Risers, Afternoon Users, After Work/ School Users & last but not least Evening Users). However, I think that the gym is comprised of a bunch of different tiny subcultures...kind of like high school. In fact I will use your general high school cliques to break down the subcultures that exist at the gym. It goes as follows:

Jocks: We all know these guys: ripped shirts to excentuate the masculine arms and pecks, loud grunting accompanied by counting between sets, free flow of sweat and the arrogant swagger. These fellows are usually found in the free weights room pumping iron and gnawing on their power bars while chugging back their gallon container of muscle milk.

Sluts/Whores: No matter what clique you fall into, these guys/girls are sure to make you uncomfortable no matter who you are. Boys: wife beaters, like to mill around the water faucet and causally pick up chicks. Also notorious for making cat calls and whistles at girls as they walk by. And I mean ALL GIRLS. Sweats, baggy shirt, unbrushed hair- they'll tap that. Just as long as you're breathing. Girls: Sports bras only, often seen in the free weight room lifting the five pound barbells. Attire includes tight pants, thong sweat line, bleached hair and gum. Often seen giggling and initiating stupid conversations.

Nerds: These kids go to the gym just so they can say they went. These fun loving folks are usually spotted in jeans- running at a walker's pace on trendmills in chuck taylors wearing a "I love dorks" tee. Mostly contained to the cardio section of the gym, these characters will sometimes venture over the the weights where they will park it on the machine before finally finishing their third set of 10 at 5 pounds a machine. AND THEY NEVER CARRY TOWELS.

Finally, last but not least the group I most commonly associate:

Anarchists: These kids just want to work out and be left the fuck alone. They come in all shapes and sizes and tend to fall somewhere between the jock and the nerd. You will notice them by their quiet demeanor and baggy appearal. They almost never look up for fear of having to initiate a conversation with someone, or worse the fear that a trainer will come over and tell them that they're using the equipment wrong. You can guarantee that they will always have their iPod because they can't stand to listen to the house version of Brittany's Spears "Toxic" on auto repeat. Note to everyone: don't approach them, don't sell them extras, don't even stare in their direction...it makes them nervous.

If you frequently attend the gym I'm sure you recognize these characters, hell perhaps your one of them yourselves. I'll admit it I'm part of the anarchist gym cult- you approach me at the gym I'll turn my head, walk away and pretend I didn't see you just so I won't have to initiate another ackward conversation.

No judgment here...ok, maybe just a little. I just thought it would be worth mentioning that there is more to this "gym cult" then meets the eye.

**Please note, there should be a separate section for couples but I'm too tired to go there.

Bridging the Gap

"Workers under 40, he says, require far more stroking. They often like "trendy, name-brand merchandise" as rewards, but they also want near-constant feedback. "It's not enough to give praise only when they're exceptional, because for years they've been getting praise just for showing up," he says."

Written like a true Boomer... This weekend's edition of the Wall Street Journal featured an article discussing what they call "the most praised generation" and their impact on the workforce. The article touches on the latest generation's need to be "nurtured" by their superiors citing a number of companies that have gone out of their way to praise and nuture their newbies.

Nurture? Try force-fed. We were raised in an era where excellence was expected and anything less was unacceptable. We know the drill...9 a.m. piano lessons, 11 a.m. french lessons, 2 p.m. soccer practice- throw in a full day of school, a part time job, and all the accoutrements that come with the pre-college lifestyle (ASB, yearbook, drama club, chess club, you name it). Why would we choose to put ourselves through this rat race you may ask. Easy...we didn't. We were bullied into it. At a young age we learned to "suck it up and go." Those who couldn't live up to the task would not be able to get into a good college, therefore not be able to get a good job and would continue down the road to mediocrity... and that was simply not acceptable. Especially, for their over worked, aggressive and persistent Boomer parents. How else could they compete with their Boomer cohorts outside of work? When management positions became easier to obtain, children begin to take its place as a competitive bragging right among Boomers. "Your child went to Berkeley, well mine is at Harvard."

Perhaps our generation may be a little pushy, a little assertive and demanding- well hell we've earned it! Thanks to our boomer rents we've become little more than a carbon copy of their Ohhh so fantastic generation ...expect we will never be given credit for it.

Many Boomers like to write us off as the spoiled, brat pack generation- but I think they're missing something. For all the "supposed" praise there are hours of hard work, determination and the need to prove ourselves. We're busting our ass waiting for our Boomer superiors to take notice.

They talk about the ever constant flow of praise, but that's not how I remember it. I remember basketball games when my dad would curse me out because I didn't score 15 points that night. Groundings for a B+ in math class instead of the expected A. Pressure to join clubs I had no real interest in just because it looked good on a college app.

If there is one thing I'm in agreeance on its our need for praise, but not because we're narcissitic bastards (as Jeffrey Zaslow likes to suggest), but because we've put in the time, we've worked hard for it, and more importantly because we deserve it!

To all you Boomers out there...cut us some slack! We may not "get it right the first time," but we're capable, driven and have been raised by the best. We're not expecting flowers, raises, or for you to kiss our feet...but a pat on the back now and then would be greatly appreciated and would come a long way in bridging the gap between these two stubborn, prideful and aggressive generations.

The Mediocrity of Greatness

I took some time to create a blog as a creative outlet for my "supposed" greatness. However I have become increasing aware of the mediocrity of my "greatness." The special "it" factor your parents bestow upon you as a kid quickly fades into the backdrop as you join the ranks of society. Once you've stepped out onto society, the supposed measures of greatness become harder and harder to decipher. What makes greatness? And how is it measured? Success? Family? Physical Attributes? Loads and loads of money? Hmmm...can you still achieve greatness illegally subletting, living paycheck to paycheck?

Perhaps...but seriously how great is it to be broke, young and completely inexperienced?

I'm starting to develop a theory on greatness. By society standards and definitely my own, I'm far from greatness, however...what if there is some greatness there and I don't even know it? Essentially you can spend your entire life in greatness and not even know it. But how do you know when you've achieved greatness? Does God reach down from the heavens and appoint you as great?

So perhaps greatness is in the mediocre. Or, greatness is just mediocre. Who knows, but I will use this blog as a launch pad for my undiscovered greatness. The greatness of my mediocrity.